I moved to Amsterdam at 24 to run away from a life on autopilot. Ten years later, I’ve realized that finding your foundation is the only way to build a future you actually want. Here’s what I’ve learned from living abroad after 10 years in Amsterdam. This one gets personal.
The 10 Year Itch, or Total Clarity?
For the last decade, Amsterdam and all its quirks have consumed my heart and soul. I moved here at 24, seeking an escape, novelty, and the freedom to reinvent myself in a city where I didn’t belong – a place where I knew no one and couldn’t even speak the language.
Even now, every time my flight touches down under a rainy, overcast Dutch sky, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Amsterdam is my adopted home.
But as I hit my tenth anniversary in this beautiful maze of canals and leaning houses, I’m facing a question that feels like a tremor in my foundation: What do I want from the next 10 years?
I am almost 35 and I’ve worked at the same company for nearly 10 years. I have maintained a loyal and ever-loving group of friends. And yet, I recently walked away from a three-year relationship – a love that was “great” and a man who was special – because I realized I am finally ready for a love that is “right.”
This isn’t a ten-year itch. It’s a moment of profound clarity. This year, my Yearly Compass feels different.
From Escaping to Running Toward
When I first moved abroad, I was lying to myself. I was running away from a life I had planned on autopilot, a life I was told to – expected to – lead. I wanted to be “unleashed.” I wanted a do-over. Amsterdam gave me that. It taught me how to be my own foundation.
There is a specific kind of strength you develop when you are dropped into a world where you don’t know a soul. Living abroad you learn that:
- Independence is hard-earned: Sometimes, hanging a picture frame is a solo mission involving duct tape and a prayer because you don’t have a drill, the skills to use one, or a partner to hold the level.
- Community is a choice: You build your own family when you live abroad. You learn to ask new friends to coffee even when you don’t drink coffee, or bike to a rave with a DJ you’ve never heard of in a town you can’t pronounce.
- Freedom is the foundation, not the finish line: I spent ten years building “me.” I am, and always will be, a work in progress. But discovering my foundation is what will finally allow me to build my future.
The Vision: Intentional Love and a Loaded Pantry
I’ve spent a lot of time lately envisioning the next decade – a decade I’ve honestly felt so much resistance toward. That 24-year-old seeking adventure is still me at my core. So how can it be that in ten years I will be just about 45?
If these last ten years living abroad have taught me anything, it’s that life is long if you are intentional with your time – how you spend it, and who you spend it with.
So, what is the vision? It isn’t just about a destination, it’s about a feeling. I crave connection. I want to be surrounded by people I love. To be an inspiring and loving mother. To be a great wife, companion and daughter. To feel secure, to seek adventure and to come home to someone who makes me feel like an equal, but also… a sexy goddess. Someone who challenges me to think bigger while making me feel safe enough to rest into my femininity, and laugh like no ones watching.
“I am no longer running from a life I had planned. I am running toward the one I am choosing.”
My vision
When I close my eyes, I enter a fantasy. I see a house we built by the sea, sandy feet, long days and romantic summer sunsets. I hear trees swaying in a gentle breeze. I feel peace in the space we’ve created. I see two curious mischievous children who bring me back to my own inner child – who ignite play. I see a home, and a life, built on a true partnership.
The heart of this home? The kitchen, of course. I see a beautiful, organized pantry, a symbol of the stability and gezellig (cozy) life I’ve cultivated. I see myself shopping at farmers’ markets, preparing delicious meals, and running a prosperous business that thrives on real experiences, not just digital noise.
But a vision like this doesn’t just manifest. It requires the same grit and risk taking that brought me to Amsterdam in the first place. To make my fantasy a reality, I have to be willing to face the unknown again. To listen to my gut, and take some leaps towards the feelings I want to feel, knowing I might get it wrong sometimes. And yes, it might hurt. A lot.
Choosing the Unknown (Again)
Living abroad is expensive – emotionally, physically, and financially. It can be lonely. It can be hard.
But these past 10 years in Amsterdam gave me my truth. They’ve made me the woman who can walk away from things that don’t feel right to make room for the exceptional.
I don’t know if my future is right here, on a canal in Amsterdam, a block away from my parents in Rhode Island, or in a faraway land I haven’t even visited yet. I don’t know who I will be sharing it with or what my children will be like. But what I do know is that this vision doesn’t come to life by accident. It comes together with intention and direction. With authenticity and lust.
The last ten years in Amsterdam were about finding my voice and my freedom. The next ten? They’re about writing the story I’ve finally realized I deserve to live.
Here are a few other posts about my learnings while living abroad over the years:
- On Losing a Loved One Abroad
- 10 Steps to a Terrific Thanksgiving Abroad
- Going From Running Like a Girl to a Marathon Runner
- 16 Pinch Myself Moments of 2016 – After My First Year in Amsterdam
- A Second a Day 2017
- 17 Pinch Myself Moments of 2017
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